Possible topics for the partner support forum

Some questions for people who are unhappy about the amount of time their spouse / partner or boyfriend / girlfriend spends online or playing video games:

How has your relationship changed since the start of the habit / addiction?

How long has this been an issue?

Have you talked to the person about it? If so what was his/her reaction?

Does the person seem motivated to cut back? What has been tried?

What advice have you received from your friends or family?



Brent

Since an accident 4 years ago, my wife became addicted to chat on the internet. I had confronted her with it and compalined of the improper relationships she had formed.
I discovered she had virtual sex, had sexual phone conversations, and more.
She was neglectful of the marriage, our 2 kids, and our home.
Then...1 month ago, she never came home from work. She hopped on a plane to India to meet an acquaintance from the net.
She came back 10 days later, wants a divorce, and within 60 seconds agreed to let me have the kids....What kind of person does this? How can she throw away 11 + years of marriage like this?
Is there anything I can do?
Despite what she has done and the fact I can no longer trust her...I still love her and don't want to lose what we had...but I want the wife I had before this addiction took her over,

My husband is a computer game addict. He has been addicted for all of our married life, with the addiction getting stronger and stronger in the last five years. (we've been married more than 15 years). I'm at the point where I am at a loss. I don't know where to go. about 8 years ago I asked counsellors for help and I was literally laughed at because they didn't believe me that it was possible to be addicted to computer gaming.

He doesn't even realize how horrible he is to live with when he's away from the computer. We went away for 3 days over Christmas and it was terrible. Then as soon as we got home and he got his 'fix' on the computer he was as happy as a lark. He blames me for everything, tells me I'm too controlling and selfish and that he doesn't have to live according to my rules.

Meanwhile he's only worked about 3 weeks of 2008, he doesn't come to bed until I get out of bed in the morning because 'he lost track of time...again'. It is 3:30pm now and he is still sleeping because he was up playing games all night until 8:30 this morning. We have four kids and they all see his poor choices. But things are getting worse.

It's been suggested that I attend a co-anon group or al-anon group, but our finances are tight and I'm afraid of the fall-out.

Are there any suggestions on how to obtain support? Ideas for taking care of myself, saving our marriage, etc?

Hello, Im tonya im 21. Im engaged to a video game addict and am losing my mind. When we started to date he didnt play games at all .... because he didnt have a video game console atthe time. But he had confided that it had ruined other intimate relationships of his.... shouldve been a red light. as soon as he could afford it he bought himself an xbox.... and now it consumes most of his time. Which is not cool because im six months pregnant.... oh yea he also has anger issues .... that come into play when i tell him to get off of his games. Im worried it isnt going to change at all when our daughter is bored. I cant do this anymore.... he needs help. Im losing it.

I need someone to talk to ... i dont know what to do ....

My boyfriend is addicted to his computer. He plays games and trolls forums. We have been together for 3 years now and it's at the point where I am lost. When we first started dating I had no clue about how addicted he was to the computer. It was not until we moved in together that I saw how big of an issue he had. 

All his free time is spent on the computer. He will not help out with chores or clean up after him self. On weekends he doesn't even bathe! I've done everything I could think of to get through to him but nothing has worked. He just says that he is sorry and he will stop, but it never happens. Sometimes I just want to take a hammer and smash the whole computer. I'm at the end of my rope.

My name is Riana, I'm 21 years old and a recovering opiate-addict. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. I'm so happy to have found this website! I knew I was in the right place after reading the "Help for partners of VideoGame addicts" (I'm sure that's not the actual title, but you understand). It's the first time I've read anything on this topic and felt like the person writing it REALLY understands how I feel.

Okay, back to the topic at hand. I'm reaching out for advice, and support, with my current relationship. When I began dating my boyfriend we were both addicted to opiates and our lives centered around it. I noticed his slightly (at the time) obsessive behavior with the video games, but it took a backseat to the larger issue. Within 3 months we were living together and had both taken a failed shot at sobriety. He entered a Suboxone (buprenorphine naloxine) treatment program about 6 months into our relationship and has been successful in the program since. I enter my own program about 9 months ago and have also been successfully clean since.

Now, that's out of the way. It was when we began our first botched attempt at sobriety that my boyfriend quit his job, determined to change his whole way of life. It was during this time that I saw the true extent of his obsession with video games. Within 2 weeks everything went to shit, we began using again, and he remained unemployed. This stint of unemployment lasted NINE MONTHS. During which, he spent every waking hour playing games. At this time was when I broke down the first time, I plead with him to stop playing video games and get a job, it had begun to ruin our already new relationship. Fast-forward to today, more than a year later, he has gone thru 2 jobs, another 6 months of unemployment, and I have lost all respect for him and our relationship as a whole.

I don't know what to do anymore, I have cried, screamed, and begged for change. It's never been a question of love, I will always love him, he knows me better than anyone. But I have entirely run out of options and have nowhere to turn. The last thing I want to do is give up on this relationship, we've surpassed so many hurdles as a team. I feel like I've become a different person, I am angry and resentful. I realize now that, not only have I lost respect for him, but I've lost respect for myself. After reading the article explaining how to deal with this topic, I feel a little better about approaching it, but I also feel so weak and irrelevant. I can't stand another one-sided conversation, constantly being swallowed with "I'm sorry" "I'm sorry" "I'll try to do better". I'm on my last leg here, and I don't know how to move forward. I can't force change, even if its ultimately for the better, on the unwilling. I find myself saying such hateful, mean things to the person I'm supposed to love. It's hard to not scream out when you feel so ignored..

Anyways, my main question is, how should I continue? Is it time to let go of something I've probably held onto for way too long?

I am sure my fiance's addiction has been there for years, but when we first got back together, it wasn't that bad. He included me in the time that he did spend with his computer but maybe a few weeks to a month after I moved in with him, it got really bad. I'd sit there for hours and just watch him dong different things on his computer (my laptop was broken at the time)

I have talked to him about it multiple times. I know he works on his computer and I understand that he needs his time just as I do. He used to get angry or irrated. There's more to life than electronics! It's the first thing he does when we wake up, and shuts it down as the last thing before bed. He even talks about it while we're laying in bed falling asleep. When I talk to him about it and he sees that it really bothers me, he will get better about it, but a few days to a week later, he'll go right back at it. It offends him when I call it his wife (haha!) He seems to know he is on it more than he probably should be.I know it's his "escape" but there are other ways to deal with problems and worries. He hardly ever talks to me about being depressed but I can't help or listen if I don't know there's a problem.

It seems like this will never get better. I don't want to leave him. I am in love with him, I just don't know what to do anymore. I used to get really sad when he'd ignore me and I'd feel second to that thing, but now I get angry. I am so angry! When I think about it, I get pissed off even more. Sometimes I wish computers were never invented! It feels like my relationship is going down the hole and it has been for a while. I don't want to spend the rest of my life (and possibly our future kids') feeling second to a computer.

Cocolu wrote:

On weekends he doesn't even bathe! I've done everything I could think of to get through to him but nothing has worked. He just says that he is sorry and he will stop, but it never happens. Sometimes I just want to take a hammer and smash the whole computer. I'm at the end of my rope.

I know exactly how you feel! My hubby doesn't bathe for days to a week because he's so into his computer! Talking to them never seems to work.